


Deeper

by for_the_love_of_wolves



Series: Elements [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aquaphobia, Fluff, Light Angst, Multi, Polyamory, Scis & Spies, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_the_love_of_wolves/pseuds/for_the_love_of_wolves
Summary: There is a lake near their cottage. One day, Hunter suggests going swimming in it. Fitz isn't sure about it. Since he has been at the bottom of the ocean, his relationship with water is ... complicated. (Written for Team Earth's Elements February. Week Three: Water)
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse/Jemma Simmons
Series: Elements [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627423
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Deeper

As a child, Fitz loved swimming.

Water was one of the few things that weren’t overwhelming his senses but calming them. It was smooth and didn’t smell too intense. The only thing he didn’t like was when it was over his head. So he didn’t dive. And of course, overfilled swimming pools were a problem. A ton of loud children, making the water wild and loud was sensational hell.

So his mother took him to a lake near their house. It was calm and peaceful there. The water wasn’t very deep and so clear, he could still see his feet most of the time. It was perfect. They had a lot of fun there.

Much later, when he was already at the academy, he and Jemma went to a beach. That was nice too. The sand was warm under his feet. Jemma was beautiful with her hair flying behind her in the wind, her eyes sparkling in the sun and her laughter light as she dipped her face into the cold water. There were fish in the water, and they found a lot of little white shells. Some of them still are in Fitz’s drawer. Hidden with all the other things he collected. To remember nice moments. Most things are connected to Jemma. The shells, two cinema tickets, a stone with a fossil.

Fitz liked water, when it wasn’t too cold or too hot, when it wasn’t too wild and when it wasn’t surrounding him.

But after being at the bottom of the ocean and after feeling the water rushing in, knocking the breath out of his lungs, Fitz’s relationship with water changed.

Suddenly, he hated it. He hated to feel it on his body. He hated to feel it, to hear it, to see it. Showers were a nightmare. In the beginning, he cleaned himself as well as possible with sponge baths, but it wasn’t enough. When he could leave the bed and hold himself upright more than just a minute or two, he showered as fast as possible. He put the water on and tried to convince himself to step under it. When he finally had enough courage and strength to do it, the water was cold most of the times. Fitz didn’t care. He was trembling before even showering anyway. His body shook while he leaned against the wall, his heart pounding and his breath frantic, while the water rushed down on him and he _remembered_.

He remembered the darkness of the ocean around him. Remembered Jemma’s fear and desperation. Remembered being ready to die. Remembered the water rushing in. The water hitting him with full force. Pain. Darkness. Water choking him …

He left the shower crying bitter tears. It was a nightmare. He hated it.

With the time everything got easier as he recovered. Talking, moving, walking – even showering. He still didn’t like it and preferred it to be fast, but he could shower without breaking down.

But he didn’t go swimming after this. Never again.

Years later, Fitz is confronted with his fear. Years later, when he moves to the countryside of Scotland with Jemma, Bobbi and Hunter.

There is a small lake near their cottage in Perthshire. In winter, it was pleasant to look at the frozen surface, reflecting the skeleton-like trees around and the grey-blue sky. In spring, it was nice to see the lake coming alive, ducks searching for food, frogs quacking in the reed and dragonflies buzzing above the surface. When summer approaches, Hunter is the first one to suggest going swimming in the lake.

It’s a warm day and everyone is glad to be able to get clothes off their bodies without shivering. Hunter is the first one to get into the water. He dives in headfirst. When his head breaches the surface, water pearls are sparkling on his skin and he grins.

“Is it very cold?” Jemma asks sceptically, dipping one toe into the water.

Hunter doesn’t answer. Instead, he dives underwater and contrary to Jemma, Fitz senses what’s to come. Hunter comes out of the water right in front of Jemma who gasps in surprise. Hunter laughs and reaches for Jemma, pulling her into the water with him, ignoring her squealed protest. He throws her and she dives under with a choked curse. When she comes up again, she glares at Hunter, but it isn’t an angry glare. She jumps at him, trying to get him underwater as well and they wrestle for a while, the water splashing around them.

Bobbi shakes her head and throws Fitz a glance that seems to say “What a kindergarten, right?”, before slowly and elegantly getting into the water as well.

Fitz remains standing in front of the lake, looking down at his bare feet, which are barely touched by the water.

The water. Which is … dark. Very dark. Fitz swallows and shivers. He wraps his arms around himself and bites his lip. He thought he could do this. At the cottage. He thought … It’s been long ago. He should be able to leave the past in the past and move on. He shouldn’t feel scared. It’s irrational. It’s stupid. Jemma is in the water too. _She_ isn’t scared.

It’s just a little lake. It’s not even the ocean.

With every passing moment, Fitz feels more frustrated with himself. He watches as his lovers move in the water, Jemma and Hunter still playfully fighting, Bobbi swimming a few laps around them. Come on, he tells himself. You can do this. It’s really just a little lake. Don’t be silly.

Fitz raises his foot and timidly dips his toes into the water. It’s cold. And he can’t help noticing again, how dark it is. Fitz pulls his foot back and inhales, only now noticing he hold his breath. No. No he can’t. The images threaten to come back, where they are buried under a pile of other unpleasant memories.

Fitz bites his lip and moves to sit in the grass. He stretches out his legs and stares at his feet, not knowing what to think or feel.

“Fitz!”

He perks up when Hunter calls his name and sees his boyfriend waving. “Come on, get in! It’s not that cold, really!”

Fitz shakes his head. „I’m good.“ He looks back at his feet when he catches Bobbi’s gaze. She’s frowning and maybe she knows what’s going on. They all know, probably. He starts to feel embarrassed.

After a moment, Jemma comes out of the water to sit beside him. She’s dripping and reaches for one of the towels they brought. “You’re alright?” She asks quietly.

Fitz nods, gritting his teeth.

Jemma looks at him knowingly and reaches out to touch his shoulder. Her hand is cold. “It’s alright, you know? You don’t have to go swimming if you don’t want to. It’s nothing you have to be ashamed of.”

Fitz sighs. “It’s just a lake. I shouldn’t be scared.”

“And a spider is just an innocent little insect that’s so much more scared of me than I am of it,” Hunter says, coming out of the water as well. “And still, I’m not going to touch one. Ever. Fears aren’t rational, Fitz. You know that.”

"Spiders aren't insects," Jemma says, raising an eyebrow at Hunter. "They are  Arachnida. Like scorpions."

Hunter snorts. "Whatever they are, spiders are creeping me out so much, I want to burn my room if I find one in there. You know that, Fitz. And I _know_ it's stupid."

Fitz shrugs. “Doesn’t make this better,” he murmurs.

Hunter drops beside him, wrapping a wet arm around him. “None of us is judging you, love. You don’t have to go into the water. You don’t have to feel bad about it. But if you want to, we are there, to show you it’s safe. I would never let anything happen to you, you know that, right?”

Fitz nods. “Thank you,” he breathes.

Bobbi comes to them, her wet hair smoothing down her neck and back. “It’s cold anyway,” she remarks, joining them in the grass and taking the towel from Jemma. “We should wait for a hotter day, to go swimming again, or we will all catch a cold.”

Hunter smirks. “I don’t know … I think I want to go back in – now!” He jumps up, grabs Bobbi around her hip and pulls her back into the lake, ignoring her insults and protests.

Fitz chuckles. He already feels much better. His lovers know exactly how to make him feel less bad about his insecurities and issues. He stretches his legs until his toes are covered in water and thinks that maybe, step by step and with the comfort of his partners, he could manage to go swimming again sometime.

Only a week later, Hunter takes his hand and leads him into the water until it reaches Fitz’s hip. And it’s alright. He holds on to Hunter and actually enjoys the feeling of the smooth cool water around them and the contrast of Hunter’s warm skin on his.

The next week he goes deeper.

And deeper.

It’s a process and at the end of it, he hates water much less.


End file.
